Thursday, October 20, 2016

Brown nose

With children there are good days and bad days. All of them precious in their own ways. However, then comes the day where I very nearly lost my mind. The day my youngest, Wesley, removed his diaper and pooed everywhere but the diaper. EVERYWHERE.

It was smeared all over himself and on his fingers and in his mouth. (Yes, you read that correctly. He gave it a taste!) He came to me, pointing his little poo covered finger in my face while crying.
I whisked him away into the bathroom and stood him in the tub. I had to give him a pre-rinse prior to an actual bath to get all of the poo chunks off of him. Dear God, there was so much poo.

I got his bath started finally after washing away the poo. At this point I was crying and laughing at the same time. Wesley was looking at me puzzled. Surely mommy had lost her mind. (Yeah kid, I did. It was somewhere amidst the massive amounts of poo running down the drain.)

Luckily my middle child Max came walking in and watched dear Wesley while I sought out the diaper. I found it in the middle of the play room. It was bone dry and completely poo free. He had even folded back up nicely. (What kid does that? It seemed almost a smug thing to do.) Sitting beside the diaper was a pile of poo. A big pile of poo. (How on earth can this much poo come from such a tiny kid?!) I scanned the toy covered floor for any other surprises. I found two more neat piles and one more not so neat pile. This pile had been used to paint numerous toys and I assume it was the one he used to paint himself with.

I cleaned up the poo piles, threw the toys in the washing machine, gathered my little angel from the tub and put his diaper back on and this time put pajamas on the kid. He was going to keep this diaper on. I then poured a drink and sat down on the couch to gather myself. Not five minutes later Wesley walked up to me like this:

(Yes, that is poo on his nose). I had missed some poo obviously. But where was it?! I cleaned his face and his ankle as there was poo smeared there as well. (Why?! Why was this happening?!) I scooped him up and told him to show mommy where the poo was. As if he would answer and show me. No. I got the blank big eyed stare with that huge grin.

By this point I was sobbing and yelling, "Where is the damn poo?! Where?!". I was stumbling over toys and scanning every bit of the floor, walking as if in a mine field. Each step expecting to feel a squish. Nothing. I could find no more poo. Where had he put it, smeared it, stashed it? Where oh were was the poo? I was at my wits end. I couldn't give up though. Just knowing there was poo someone in the room, poo that Wesley would inevitably play in again, made me frantic. I could smell poo but could not pinpoint just where. Then I saw it. Little poo streaks all over the glass on the entertainment center. All over it. I was relieved. Glass is so much easier to clean than carpet.

After all was cleaned I once more plopped onto the couch exhausted. Then Wesley crawled up and onto my lap. He hugged me and leaned in for a kiss. A kiss I denied. The vision of his little poo covered mouth was still fresh in my mind. No kid, no kiss tonight. But I'll hug you and love you none the less

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Meet Merv

     Halloween is my favorite Holiday.  I adore it.  I always have.  So when my husband suggested we make a dummy to hang as we have in the past, I jumped on it.  (The idea, not the dummy.)  So I went to work  assembling our dummy.  Merv came to be yesterday afternoon.  Born of old clothes and plastic bags on our kitchen table.  I sent photos to my husband who then texted back that Merv's hands should be bound behind his back to make him look more authentic.  I found the twine and made it so.  Then I texted my husband back asking if I can bloody Merv up a bit.  His response:  absolutely.  Had anyone read these out of context, we would sound quite savage.  It was such fun.

     Once he was finished I scooped him up to move onto the porch.  As I walked through the front door a neighbor walked by.  I can only imagine her thoughts at a sweaty, disheveled looking woman cradling a bloody body with a bag over its head. I smiled and hoped she didn't think me crazy.  She smiled and kept on walking. After all, it is Halloween season so this isn't too odd. Had it been Easter or Christmas, perhaps she may have reacted entirely different and rightfully so.

With Merv in place I went back inside.  I had forgotten him completely by this morning.  Not long ago I opened the front door to check for packages.  I would usually look through the peep hole but I have it covered with more decorations.  Upon opening the door I jumped and screamed.  (I even peed myself a little.  Birthing three kids does this to a woman.  But that is a story for another time.)   So I suppose Merv is a success as dummies go.

Who I Am

My photo
Scatterbrain painting fanatic with a temper.